We never like to see a “tip cup” on the bar at a hosted event like a New Jersey wedding, but this might be an exception that warms everyone’s hearts and does some good in the world.
Advise your bartenders that soliciting tips is not what you had in mind,and take care of them ahead of time. Then station a big brandy snifter (or dog bowl!) at the bar, and a photo or two from either this wonderful charity that does beagle rescue (http://www.beaglepaws.com/news.html), Unicef(www.unicef.org), or any other cause that is dear to you. At the end of the celebration, you’ll have a gre

at donation,and you can thank your guests for their generosity in your thank you notes.

My colleague Brandy Blackford had a problem.   Like so many small businesses out there, this one started with something  that she and her fiance (now husband!) wanted to add to t heir reception, but couldn’t find!  A Candy Buffet!  (Hey, Brandy; I want to add it to my living room!)   They thought it would be a fun and delicious alternative to traditional favors.  Who wouldn’t want to depart with a sweet, color coordinated reminder of the wedding celebration?  Great idea; no one to actually create it. While setting up their own candy buffet, they realized that it was entirely too much work to add to an already stressed out bridal agenda.  So they started their company, Sweet Ido’s. They have an amazing array of candy in all shapes, sizes and colors, and their huge collection of stylish vessels allows them to carry oht the theme of your wedding right until the sweet ending! 

Brandy was nice enough to feature a guest article by me, on her wonderful blog, “The Sweet Scoop” .  I hope you’ll check it out, but I’ll warn you…you’ll be reaching for jelly beans before you’re done!

On me, actually, lol, in this neat little interview (that you can see right  here ).  Mostly, I’m talking about starting a building a business after, um, a ‘certain’ age, no matter what that age is.  Good advice that I’ve culled from a number of sources, but one of my favorites is a book called, “The Chic Entrepreneur”, by Elizabeth Gordon. This great little book, “teaches women how to get out of the trenches and take their business to new heights by mastering the 9 dimensions of a flourishing business.”   It’s an easy read, full of wonderful ideas and inspirational stories!  I highly recommend adding it to your shelf of biz books, but READ it first!

Aria Melody, that is!  My colleague John has the coolest, most sophisticated DJ company in the New York area, and he was kind enough to post a blog about yours truly, just a few days ago.  He was ALSO kind enough to write a wonderful blog for me, all about what makes Aria the best, “No Cheese, No Fog, No Chicken Dance” DJ company you could possibly want to have providing the soundtrack for your wedding celebration.  His blog is chocked full of great suggestions  

Here ya go! Thank you, John!!!

One of my new favorite wedding colleagues I’ve met recently is North Jersey / NYC Wedding Officiant Celia Milton. We’ve all been to weddings where the minister or officiant seems to have met the couple for the first time that day.  And you can drop in his/her names, wrap the ceremony up with that “Love is Patient, Love is Kind…” reading and move on to the cocktail hour.  And surprisingly, the most personal, touching, important part of day — the heart of the celebration — is over without feeling very personal, touching or important at all.That’s what makes Celia so unique. And why she gets rave reviews from happy couples and wedding professionals alike!  She has an amazing ability to capture all that is *you* and preside over a ceremony that’s all about YOUR love, family & friends.  Read more… 

John: What makes your ceremonies so unique? 

Celia: Well, truly, they are not my ceremonies; they are ceremonies that are all about the couple, and THAT’s what makes them unique.  Their love story is a large part, but we also include readings and music that they love, ritual elements that express their heritage, and touches that tell their story in many ways.

J: What can couples do to create a truly personal ceremony? 

C: The easiest way is to think about the things that make them unique; do they love dogs? Did they meet while skydiving? Are they both artists or musicians? Is the bride Jewish, the groom Hindu? All the things that make them the individuals that they are can find a way into the ceremony to make it truly theirs.

J: How can couples incorporate other family members or friends into their ceremony?

J: You’ve presided over a lot of weddings but for many  couples, this is their first.  Any suggestions or tips?

C: Approach the ceremony planning just like the reception planning; with the goal of creating a meaningful, fun, personal celebration of your life together. Find someone who shares your vision and will let your wedding be about YOU, not about what “has” to happen during a wedding; if you’re not in a church or a synagogue, nothing really does, except your vows and a pronouncement.

You’ve chosen your future spouse; now, what are you going to do about that bridal party? There’s your best friend from college, your best friend from work, your sister, your cousin, and inevitably there is someone who chose YOU, and expects you to return the favor. How you do begin to pick?

Many of my couples choose to keep their bridal parties small (or eliminate them all together) to eliminate the hurt feelings, political tussles and extra expense of having numerous people on each side. Wrangling all those bridesmaids, groomsmen, jr. attendants, flower girls, and Sparky, the ring dog is not everyone’s idea of their perfect wedding day. Fortunately, there are many other ways to include honored guests in the day and keep the couple’s stress level under control.

For many of your friends and family, just being asked is honor enough. They may not have the time, the money, or (and I know this hurts….) the desire to be part of the bridal party with all the responsibilities that go with that request. When you ask anyone to do anything, you should give them a gracious way out; they’ll love you even more.

But let’s, for the moment, assume you have a list of eligible candidates that is bigger than the ceremony space. How can they be involved?

Many interesting ritual elements can include these guests. Unity candles and sand ceremonies often include different people to pour sand and light candles that eventually are blended to symbolize the intermingling of each partner’s family friends. A traditional Celtic hand fasting can include as many as six people to drape the different cords that will ‘bind’ the couples’ hands. Readings can be included; and many are appropriate and very cute for children if they are old enough to enjoy that spotlight. (Dr. Seuss’ ‘ Oh the Places You’ll Go” and Taylor Mali’s, “Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog”, are two that are great for kids.) Your readers may even want to write their own.

Almost every wedding has ushers (or usherettes!) who will welcome the guests, guide then to their seats, and tell them, (nicely of course) to turn off their cell phones. They can hand out programs, rose petals or bubbles for the recessional. They can also let alert the guests to anything unexpected they’ll be a part of; a ring warming, for example.

One of my couples had two children who were a little too old to be ring bearers or flowers girls. They had a big banner made, and the children preceded the bride in the processional with the side that said, “Here comes the bride!” and then followed the married couple with, “Just Married”. It was adorable, and they wore normal dressy clothes, not outfits that matched the bridal party.

Many of the ceremonies I write with my couples speak of the people that played a part in their history; the colleague who introduced them; the friends who helped keep the proposal a secret. When they are mentioned in the story, it is instantly a more individual story, drawing on the memories of everyone who knows the “character

One of my couples gave single flowers to their siblings, thanking each one for the role they played in their family while growing up; another had their siblings process up the aisle with them and add a flower each to a vase on the ceremony table. Another had a little part of the ceremony in which each sibling and parent stood and read a one line quote about marriage; some funny, some touching.

Your choice to include each person in your wedding is a gift of love. Give those gifts wisely, and your ceremony will be personal and memorable to both you and them.

Your wedding should absolutely include your family and your best friends!  What if your best friends are Sparky and Spotty?  How could you possibly leave them out of the festivities?  There are many ways you can honor your pets if they can’t attend but if they can, you’ll want to make them as comfortable as possible. I asked some of my great colleagues across the country for their sage advice, and here are their hints.  (And their wonderful photos! Many thanks to Kathy, from the Earle Harrison House, a gracious Antebellum mansion and event venue in Texas, for this adorable ring bearer’s pix!)

Here are the top 10 tips for making your wedding happy and healthy for both YOU and the fuzzy-faces!

1. Assign Sparky a handler; if he’s going to be the ring dog, let a ring bearer age child walk him down the aisle (and NEVER give either ONE of them the real rings, okay?  Don’t make me tell you the ugly story about the ring, Point Pleasant Beach and a metal detector…..)   Don’t count on your normally well behaved dog to walk down the aisle unattended, no matter how much dog whispering you do. Weddings, by nature, are busy places, and your dog may just be as overwhelmed as any five year old. 

2.Most pups really don’t like the cute costumes. They are uncomfortable. They’re like the canine version of that big, ugly, magenta bridesmaid’s dress.  Go for a cute sparkley collar, a jeweled leash or bows. (Thanks to Sweet I Do’s, a GREAT candy buffet artist in Arizona!)

3. Don’t forget refreshments for your ring dog!  Brandy at Sweet I Do’s recommends personalized doggie treats,  a full water bowl, and a quiet place to chill out  during the reception.                                          

4. If you want to put flowers on the dog’s collar, or have a floral wreath around his neck, make sure he’s a very mellow dog, used to wearing bandanas, etc. so that it’s nothing new to be ‘decorated’. A great tip from  Joanne at FlowersFlowers in Chicago.

5. Don’t forget to hire a dog walker/sitter to pick up Spotty’s impromptu ‘gifts’  It’s an ugly job but someone has to do it…. Thanks to Christy from Tech Ridge, doing beautiful bouquets  in Austin!

6.Advise your guests, either on your website, in the invites or by word of mouth, that your dog will be in part of the party; they may be allergic, they may be afraid, their children may need to be given a tiny lesson in dog ettiquette. (Don’t pull the ring bearer’s tail…)

7. Consider privately tipping the bartenders (that’s a whole other blogpost…), replacing the tip cups on the bar with dog bowls and giving the ‘tips’ to a great charity like Puppies Behind Bars, an innovative organization that matches prisoners with fledgling seeing eye dogs and service dogs for returning vets, through their program, “Dog Tags”. (And I dare you not to cry when you visit the site…)

8. Include some dog related music for your processional, recessional or first dance; some great selections from Sue and Ed at First Day Entertainment,in  Pensacola, Fla. How about coming down the aisle to “Rufus Thomas, “Walking the Dog”?  Leaving to “I want a Hot Dog for my Roll”, by Butterbeans and Susie?  Ed came up with a creative and fun list that went on FOREVER!  I wish I officiated in Florida! 

9. If your fuzzies can’t be there “in person” you can have your officiant do a little ‘blessing of the animals” after they thank your guests for coming to support you!

10. Lisa, from Sweet Grace Cakes suggests that if your dog can’t be there “in person”, a 3D grooms cake is the perfect tribute! 

And a bonus; one of my favorite wedding readings ever; “Falling in Love is like owning a Dog”, by Taylor Mali.

So gather all your loved ones around you and enjoy your day with all the love that fills your every day together!

Cartoonist Heidi Schwoerer’s website has the perfect name; 2 cute!  She’s   cartoonist since she was a kid, and now she’s turned her hand to the sweetest stamps ever! Many of them adorable animals (and some of them bear a close resemblance to her own little pets). 

 For all you DIY brides, they would be adorable for your Save the Dates, Thank-You notes, and favor tags.  Today, she was profiled on Dana Carlson’s Business Opportunities Weblog , the same fascinating site that did that fantastic interview with me a few weeks ago. (It’s fascinating EVERY day, just for the record….

Heidi is always creating new designs, and we’re hoping that there are some new wedding ideas in the works!  Best of luck to you!

Sponsored Weddings: Tacky or Savvy?

Dana Carlson runs one of the most interesting website/blogs on the internet. He spotlights new products, businesses, unique entrepreneurs, and it’s one of the few things that virtually crosses my desk and gets read end to end.  And yesterday, I was lucky enough to have him spotlight me. (And this beautiful photo of my couple Tracy and Mike is from Daniel Hedden, a photographer based in NJ.

WEDDINGS WITHOUT THE TRADITION

by Angela Shupe for Dana Carlson’s Business Opportunities Weblog Network, May 6th

  Who do you call when you want a wedding that is ‘outside the box’?
Celia Milton is the woman you’re looking for. She’s a wedding ceremony officiant and minister located in New Jersey. Simply put, she is the woman you call if you’re not religious, don’t belong to a church or simply would like to have someone preside over your civil union ceremony. Sometimes people just don’t want that white wedding inside a church. Even if they do, she can do that too!

Tell us a little about what you do.

I do “I Do!” s! Okay, I couldn’t resist….I write and perform wedding ceremonies and civil unions for couples who want their ceremony to be more than 20 minutes of yawn that comes before the champagne flows at their reception. I take their story and create a unique narrative that connects with their guests in inspiring and entertaining ways.

Many of my couples either don’t have or don’t feel the need for a spiritual home like a church or temple. Most describe themselves as “spiritual but not religious”, some as agnostic, some as atheist. Many of my couples are hoping to blend different cultures, religious backgrounds, and traditions; many of my gay couples have not felt welcomed by “mainline” religious institutions. All of them are looking to express their personality as individuals and a couple. I tell them that their ceremony should be as interesting and dynamic as they are; not an impersonal and abstract string of sentences with their names plugged in here and there. A wedding or civil union is more important than that; it’s a life changing move of epic proportions and should be treated with great care and sensitivity.

 How long have you been a wedding ceremony officiant and minister?

I officiated at my first ceremony in the spring of 2005, although I’d been speaking in several churches in a ministerial role for about 10 years before that. It was actually a sweet vow renewal for a couple who had been married by a judge. The bride’s father was ill, and his wish was to see his daughter married by a minister. It was one of the few times I’ve been picked as a more ‘religious’ option! And I got to wear my robe, which I NEVER get to do…..

What got you started on this path?

I’d always had an interest in ministry, which is how I found myself at Union Seminary, in NYC at (oh, this hurts…) the ripe young age of 47. I loved Union, and being a grad student in NYC was both exhilarating and scary; good training for anyone thinking of going into any facet of the wedding industry. As I got further down the path towards what I thought was my goal, being called as a parish minister, I realized that there were certain parts of ministry that I loved (working with people: the research, writing and performing) and certain parts I didn’t (why is the stained glass leaking…did anyone re-order candles for the sanctuary?).

I was literally sitting in front of the computer, ready to register for another semester at Fordham‘s school of theology, where I was studying Spiritual Direction. I stumbled upon the website for the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, which trains people in ritual creation and performance. I think there was one day left to register for either. I took the proverbial “Road Less Traveled”, and that has indeed, made all the difference. Thank you, Robert Frost.
What did you do before this?

I owned an upscale catering company for more years than I care to admit, and we had a great run. It was never boring and often downright exciting. After about 19 years, I started to doubt my ongoing enthusiasm for unloading trucks at three AM and scraping clam dip out of the radio knobs. When I realized I was catering weddings for the same kids we’d made Christening parties for, I knew I had to explore other options….
In what ways has your past experience helped you in this business?

I learned to have a healthy respect for details and deadlines. I realize that someone’s wedding is a milestone event that can’t be done over. It has to be perfect the first time. No, I take that back; it can’t be perfect, and if it was, it would be boring. It has to be what the couple hoped for and imagined, but beyond what they could ever hope or imagine.

Anyone who chooses to be part of the “wedding industry” (an unfortunate title for what is, overwhelmingly, a group of professionals who would do anything for their clients), needs to realize that the process of producing a wedding is one that is galvanized by giant investments of emotion, time and money. It is extremely stressful for the couple and their family, and the less drama we can create in the process of getting our ‘work’ done, the better.
What are some of the lessons your business has taught you?

Hmm….never give a 7 year old ring bearer the real rings? I’ll spare you the ugly story of a barefoot, beachfront wedding at Cape May, NJ. Suffice it to say it included a small child, a satin pillow and a metal detector. I think you can fill in the rest….

Seriously though, the biggest thing that I’ve learned is that there are only a few simple things that are truly important to creating a successful and enjoyable business.
The first is to remember that it should be both of those, successful and enjoyable, no matter what that business is about. If you’re not having fun, your potential clients will sense that and go elsewhere.

The second is that you need to be authentic to who you are; everything you do for your business, whether it’s business cards, your voice mail message, your website, your contract, even your checks; everything should be so consistent that they are instantly recognizable as reflections of your business personality, whatever your business personality is. If you’re an authority; be authoritative. If you’re an entertainer, be entertaining. If you just try to be like everyone else, you’re entering a crowded race with a lot of dogs who had a giant head start. If you’re entirely “you” in your approach to your product or service, you’ll have a smaller market, but your raving fans will be yours alone.

The third is that when your business ceases to be fun for you, it will wither and die. So strive to make every part of it either more fun or outsourced. I am the quintessential magpie; I steal from the best and this such a simple concept that it’s repeated over and over by numerous success gurus. If you hate doing something, no matter how much you try to improve your skills at doing it, you’ll be mediocre at best. Give it to someone else and concentrate on being the best you can be at what you love to do; you’ll be unstoppable. Someone out there loves sending invoices or doing laundry; pay them to do it and do what you love instead. 

What are some goals you still hope to accomplish?

I feel almost embarrassed to say that I’ve gotten pretty close to achieving what I hoped; maybe my goals were modest! My goals were never to have X amount of dollars or a closet full of Prada, or to retire at 50. My goal is, and always has been, to do work that I love, that is fun and meaningful to me and the people I serve. I have been very, very lucky to have achieved that, although the actual mechanics will change. I hope to move into training other professionals in the wedding industry. Right now, working in my Sponge Bob sweatpants and officiating at cool, lighthearted weddings every week (not at the same time, silly…) is about the perfect life for me. I’m grateful every day.

What helps you maintain a balance between your life and your business?

I’m not sure that I’ve actually accomplished that. I find it hard to distinguish between the two; I’ll be reading in the hammock and come across the most perfect phrase to include in a wedding vow. Is that work or life? I’ll be out shopping the flea markets and find the funniest, cutest, weirdest toy to use as a ring bearer pillow for a client. Is that work or life? Who knows. I try to take time away from “work” to blow glass, to cook (now that I can do that recreationally, it’s actually fun again…), to spend time with my dog and my partner. But I always come back to the sheer enjoyment, the yelping, hand clapping, “AHA!!” thrill of finding or writing the perfect words for one of my couples, because really, my work isn’t selling widgets; it’s making memories. It’s a humbling and joyful path.