What a great New Jersey wedding Ceremony!

“Rings are an ancient symbol, blessed and simple. Round like the sun, like the eye, like arms that embrace. Circles, for love that is given comes back round again and again.  Therefore may these symbols remind you that your love, like the sun, illuminates, that your love, like the eye, must see clearly.  And that your love, like arms that embrace, is a grace upon this world.” 

And they are vital, if  you are including a ring exchange in your ceremony. We all want to make sure that when I ask for the rings, someone actually has one, and it is one of my reoccurring dreams that when I do ask the question, everyone in the bridal party looks at each other with terror. Sometimes the rings are in a bag in a limo somewhere; on the kitchen table; in one memorable case, they were still in San Fransisco.  Sometimes,however, they are close, but not close enough.

It happened not too long ago. I ALWAYS tell the couple NOT to give the “real rings” to a child, their dog, their ferret, or anyone who is doing jello shots before the ceremony.  Do they listen to me? Most of the time, most being the operative word.

We were at a beautiful private club on a lake shore in the Poconos. Early autumn leaves,   brisk winds, a little on the nippy side; the perfect backdrop for an outdoor wedding on a colorful afternoon. When the bride arrived, I asked her for the rings, and she said they were tied to the pillow that the ring bearer would carry up the aisle.   

About halfway through, I notice two of the groomsmen digging in the sand with the ring
bearer. I  assumed they were entertaining him and it really didn’t sink in (no pun intended).

When I ask for the rings, I got  two men’s rings, obviously not new!. …The couple looked a little confused, but I went off-mike and said,  “just go with it” . After the ring vows and the sendoff, about 30 guests rush over to the  pit by the groomsmen and start digging for the diamond wedding bands. One of the more creative guests commandeered two  pasta strainers from the restaurant’s kitchen,  and with some enthusiastic sifting,  finally hit gold. Or, in this case, platinum. We did another little ring exchange, and all was well.

BUT SERIOUSLY, ….with two expensive rings in the mix,  you probably want to keep them a little more secure, and give the dog, ferret, ring bearer two fake rings. Everyone will be a little calmer, and that is really important!

Several couples have told me that it is “really important” to  the ring bearer that he be carrying the real rings, so now, this will be my go to story. I seriously doubt whether your average RB has any idea what  is a real ring and what isn’t.

So, tie something fake to the pillow or the collar or whatever vehicle those adorable pinch-able ring bearers are going to brandish and keep the REAL RINGS in the best man, best woman, or parents pockets, whoever is going to be in charge of handing them to me to hand to you.  We’ll all breathe a little easier, and there will be no excavating or diving at the end of the ceremony!

Yep, if you’re looking for something really unique in the wedding reception music arena, you might just love the Susquehanna Industrial Tool and Die Company, a trio of retro….hillbilly….authentic….rockabilly….50’s…..um….oh geez, I just don’t know how to describe them, but if you go to their website you’ll find plenty of links to listen and enjoy their particular (and I do mean, PARTICULAR) brand of musical hi-jinks.

My cool couple, Kim and Jay had them play for their wedding at Silas Condict Park, a beautiful and intimate setting with a former speakeasy plunked right in the middle. With a patio. On a lake. In Kinnelon. It doesn’t get much better than this for an autumn wedding with 100 of your closest friends.

But I digress.  Sit and Die brought a vintage, hand cranked victrola for the processional music, and the proceeded to rock-a-billy the house for the reception. It was the perfect backdrop for Kim and Jay, a creative, offbeat couple with something completely different in mind!

My friend Chloe, (who is, coincidentally, getting married SOON!!) invited me to write a guest blog for her wonderful blog, Word Arrangements. I wrote about a cool new take on a unity ceremony; the chocolate sharing!  Chocolate is going to figure prominently in Chloe’s wedding, and maybe it should in yours too!  You can share truffles during the ceremony; you could even invite all your guests to share as well. Of course, during the reception,  you can have a signature chocolate martini offered at the bar; a chocolate wedding cake, personalized chocolate bars for favors, and even a chocolate fountain.

There are so many interesting rituals that can be incorporated into  (and sometimes, invented for) your wedding; why not have something totally fun and reflective of your personalities?  So bring on the truffles, the fudge, the some-mores, the Almond Joys, the Godiva….yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Many, many of my couples decide to add unique and personal elements to their wedding ceremonies. One of the most popular and visually stunning additions is the handfasting ceremony. And one of the best resources (well, besides me, your New Jersey wedding officiant….smooth as usual…..) is Shira’s wonderful website, Handfastings.org! 

Shira’s site (and newsletter) has all kinds of great information on the history and meaning of the handfasting ceremony.  There are sample ceremonies, links to useful books.  There is also a nationwide listing of officiants who are qualified to create and perform your handfasting ceremony, either as a free standing ritual or as part of your wedding ceremony.

Her email newsletter has articles about seasonal festivals and celebrations, recipes, information about herbs and oils, and introductions of new officiants across the country. It is always interesting and entertaining, whether you’re planning a handfasting or not; we can all be enlightened by being in touch with the natural cycle of the earth and the seasons.  So take a couple of minutes, brew a cup of tea with a touch of cinnamon, and enjoy perusing her site.

We had SUCH a great time at Michelle and Bryan’s beach wedding! They had their ceremony right on the sand, and then a reception at a chic shorefront club. It was like taking a tiny cruise! Thanks for your kind words!

See more reviews of Celia Milton, Celebrant on Project Wedding.

Come on, admit it….the FIRST thing you read in the Sunday Times is the “Big Wedding”. Haven’t you secretly hoped that your announcement would be among those in the Style Section? Me too. I want to see your wedding in the Style Section. Here is how to to that, with the information right from the horse’s mouth! 

To submit news of your celebration to The New York Times, please observe the following instructions closely. 

Weddings and commitment ceremonies are reported in the Sunday Styles pages and on the Web at nytimes.com/weddings. We report ceremonies taking place during the previous six days. Events that take place on a Sunday are reported on the day of the ceremony. The timing is governed by the date of the formal event. Submissions are rewritten, fact-checked and edited according to the standards of The Times.

Engagement notices are no longer published.

Please send in requests for weddings or commitment announcements at least six weeks before the event. Although we sometimes consider submissions received after that deadline, we give preference to those received first.

The Times does not charge for publishing these news articles — but space is limited, and we cannot guarantee publication.

Your request must be typewritten and include the full names of the couple, the date of their event and the approximate time of day. We need their addresses, schooling and occupations. Also mention any noteworthy awards that the couple may have received, as well as charitable activities and/or special achievements. We also ask that you tell us how the couple met.

We also require information on the residences and occupations of the couple’s parents. Please include this information even if the parents are no longer living.

In the case of a wedding, a civil union or a partnership registration, we must have the name of the person who will sign the official certificate. Please give the exact title and affiliation. For an interfaith event, please include the names and affiliations of any other officiants who will participate. Please also state the exact location of the event.

All announcements must include daytime, evening and cellphone numbers for the couple and their parents. We also need the office phone numbers for those performing the ceremony. Please identify each number. Submissions without telephone numbers cannot be considered.

If you wish, you may demonstrate your preferences by following the form of an announcement that has appeared in our Sunday newspaper.

Our policy on photographs has changed. While we continue to include formal portraits of couples and individual brides, we also include full-length images of brides in wedding dresses, as well as informal photographs of individuals or couples at home, outdoors or in other attractive settings. Those posing for pictures should be neatly dressed, and the images should be of professional quality. Five-by-seven or eight-by-ten prints are preferred. They may be either black-and-white or color.

Couples posing for pictures should arrange themselves with their eyebrows on exactly the same level and with their heads fairly close together. Couple pictures should be printed in a horizontal format.

Please be sure to write the couple’s names and the date of the event on the back, and include the photographer’s name if credit is required. Photographs altered in any fashion are not accepted. And pictures cannot be returned.

If necessary, photographs can be submitted under separate cover, but they should be delivered to The Times, at the address given below, at least 10 days before the date of the event. Please note that while pictures may be sent by regular mail, recent events have dramatically slowed delivery. To ensure that your photo reaches us on time, we suggest sending it by overnight delivery or messenger service.

Guidelines for Sending Images by E-mail

Image requirements:
- JPEG file format
- File compression size of 9 or more
- RGB color
- 300 DPI at an 8×10 size (or 10 inches on the longest dimension).
- File size of 12mgs or more (this will be determined by the above).

Other suggestions:
- Please try to avoid images with red-eye.
- Images should be sharp, in focus.
- Try to avoid busy or confusing backgrounds.
- Try to select an image where couple’s heads and eyes are on the same level.

If you wish to have us consider your event for the Sunday “Vows” column, please prepare a duplicate submission, along with a covering letter giving details about the planned ceremony and reception. Tell us about how the couple met. Please direct your request to the “Vows” column.

Where to Send the Information

By e-mail: society@nytimes.com.

You cand send your announcment, with all the pertinent details to the Times email, Or you can use a fax: 212-556-7689. (Fax users will not receive confirmation of delivery.)

By mail or overnight courier: Society News, 4th floor, The New York Times, 620 Eighth Ave., N.Y. 10018. (If you would like to verify receipt of your submission, please also include a stamped, self-addressed postcard with your mailing.)

Again, please note that we cannot guarantee publication. If your announcement is selected, you will be telephoned by a member of our staff a few weeks before the event.

If questions remain, you may telephone the Society News desk at (212)-556-7321. Because of the volume of requests, we may not be able to reply immediately.

Or your guests take the cake…the cupcake that is; one of my cool clients  had a beautiful sendoff for her guests. Displayed on an antique table in the foyer of the reception site were tiered servers filled with cupcakes, black-and-white cookies and brownies, complete with take away boxes in the couple’s colors. They were invited to take a treat home for later (or maybe for those little ones on the ride home!)

It was a beautiful and gracious alternative to a “Viennese” table, and an appreciated little nosh for later in the evening. And of course, they could stand in for the wedding cake itself!

Now, where can I get these cupcakes, you’re thinking?  I’m glad you asked. My friend Carla, chef-owner of “Once Upon a  Cupcake”.  She hand bakes delicious, creative cupcakes with the finest ingredients and towering swirls of frosting. And the flavors?   How about Tiramisu?  Red Velvet? Cherry Sunday? Peanut Butter with Peanut Butter Chips?  I want one RIGHT NOW. or maybe two. or ten.

A wedding reception is a party, a celebration, but usually, it’s also a dinner party! And wouldn’t it be great if that dinner party could include some guests all across the country?

On September 13th, Macy’s launched “Come Together,” an innovative community-centered campaign, to raise 10 million meals for Feeding America and its network of food banks.

The campaign rallies the public to host special dinner parties iand ask their guests to pledge a donation to Feeding America in lieu of bringing a host gift. Macy’s will match donations dollar for dollar until the goal of 10 million meals is reached.

You could very easily incorporate this into your reception by asking each guest to donate a dollar. How?There could be little baskets with an “explanation” card on each table, or at the bar or gift table.  If the “dollar” dance is part of your family’s tradition, those dollars could go to this cause.  You could also donate a check and then mention, in your thank you notes, that the donation was made in your guests’ names. 

The Macy’s  Come Together website at www.macys.com/cometogether, is a great resource! The website serves as a one-stop party planning destination featuring recipes, dinner party fashions, evites, themes, recommended playlists and other special content to create the perfect gathering.

You (or guests who are registry shopping…)  can also give $1 at the register at all Macy’s stores.  Every $1 donated equals 7 meals. And if they shop on October 17th, a percentage of their purchase prices will go to the cause.

There are so many ways to share the joy of your wedding day; this is a GREAT one!

Are you planning to have your wedding ceremony at a beach location? There are so many great readings that can really speak to your setting, one that you’ve obviously put a lot of consideration into choosing.   The sea is a classic metaphor for life, and so many great authors and poets have written about it that you’ll have plenty to pick from.  Here are some of my favorites!

This is a good introduction to the ceremony;

“Hello and welcome!  On this early autumn evening, near the waters edge, we gather on shifting sand under a dazzling blue sky. These are gifts of nature, and they  speak volumes about the partnership we are celebrating today, the partnership of Michelle and Scott.  Here, we  are  reminded   that life is ever changing, ever renewed, but to enjoy, to savor that happy chaos and wild love, we all need our anchors. The sea is  more than just a scenic backdrop today; it is a place that brings this couple peace; they met here, the live here; it’s a place that brings them peace. Their partnership is not new, but that we can start Michelle and Jason’s  married life together here is sweet indeed.”

From Poet Mary Oliver

Have you ever seen anything in your life more wonderful

than the way the sun, every evening,
relaxed and easy, floats toward the horizon

 into the clouds or the hills, or the rumpled sea,
and then  is gone, and how it slides again out of the blackness,
every morning,
on the other side of the world,
like a red flower  streaming upward on its heavenly oils.
Say, on a morning in early autumn,
at its perfect imperial distance–
and have you ever felt for anything
such wild love?
Do you think there is anywhere, in any language,
a word billowing enough for this sweet  pleasure.

The Starfish Story

(from an ancient legend)

 One early morning as I was walking along the beach

I discovered a figure at a distance moving like a dancer.

As I got closer I noticed that the figure was a young girl

Maybe 9-10 years old and she wasn’t dancing.

She was reaching down to the shoreline

Picking up small objects and throwing them into the ocean…

As I came even closer, I said ‘Good morning, what are you doing?’

She paused a little out of breath, looked up and said,

‘Throwing starfish into the sea’,

‘Why are you throwing them back there?’ I asked,

She said, ‘The sun is getting hot and the tide is going out,

If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die’.

I couldn’t help saying ‘But there are miles of beach

And hundreds of starfish, d’you think it makes a difference?’

She gave me a very serious look and bent down picking up another starfish

And threw it into the sea,

As it splashed into the water she said

‘It makes a difference to that one…’.

Anne Morrow Lindberg, from  “A Gift from the Sea”

When you love someone, you do not love them all the
time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment.
It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend
to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We
have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of
love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the
tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it
will never return. We insist on permanency, on
duration, on continuity; when the only continuity
possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in
fluidity-in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are
free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in
the same pattern.

From Barbara Kingsolver

Every one of us is called upon, many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis… a marriage, a move, loss of a job…And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in sprite of everything to make good on a new shore.  To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another-that is surely the basic instinct..Crying out; High tide!  Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is!

If your wedding is coming up this fall, boy are you a lucky camper (no pun intended…) in the decor department. Those gorgeous autumn leaves can be used in so many ways, and BONUS….they can be FREE~~~

Use them everywhere you can; under your centerpieces (or AS your centerpieces) on each dining table…to decorate the buffet….use them down the aisle instead of a runner or rose petals; let your flower girl or boy toss them, hot glue them to your flowerdog so he/she looks festive as they deliver your rings at your ceremony (OKAY, I’M KIDDING, JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION…..)  (This beautiful centerpiece is courtesy of a great blog, “Lucky Stone”, and you can see how it could be adapted to all sorts of settings. I’d add little birds, maybe some butterflies….let your imagination run wild!

Ideally, your wedding should reflect the season you chose, instead of being some disembodied decorative event, so use those leaves!!! (And donate the money you saved to some enviromental charity!)