What a great New Jersey wedding Ceremony!

After a few weekends with some really inconsiderate behaviour on the part of guests, I wrote this article, which I have submitted to the New York Times. 

“Late is the New Black”

You’ve received an invitation to a wedding, a Bar Mitzvah, a significant anniversary. ; in short, an event that includes a formal ceremony. If you don’t inhabit the frenzied social stratosphere that views such missives as annoying encroachments on your private time, you’re excited and you say yes, “We would LOVE to attend! Count us in! ” Ideally, you’ve replied before the RSVP deadline, without the stylish invitation languish on your desk or refrigerator until the hosts need to call you, (I digress; that is an entirely different rant).

You select the perfect gift (even if that perfect gift is a check or a gift card), assemble your outfits, Mapquest the directions and happily anticipate the event. And arrive 20 minutes late. with no apologies, reasonable excuse, or remorse.

You know who you are. You’re the guests sneaking through the squeaky rear doors, stiletto tapping to your seat, turning off your cell phone so the “turning off the cell phone” chimes punctuate the ceremony in progress. Sometimes, you’re the guests so dear to the family that you have been entrusted with some vital component of the celebration, say, the wedding rings. Or the ice, or the guestbook; items that need to be there, and items that are probably vastly more important than your presence.

I’m a civil officiant. I get to see the day from the another point of view, that of the lucky couple or family. Maybe it’s time you saw it too; that highly orchestrated iceberg that lies beneath the tip of your rented chair.

With their milestone to celebrate, they have labored for months; maybe years. They have spent time, energy, creativity, and often vast sums of money to create a magical day. They have booked a lovely venue, considered four different hues of ink for the invitations, selected the perfect menu, hired musicians, and hoped for sunny weather. They have collaborated with a minister, a rabbi, or a civil celebrant to say meaningful, inspiring words to touch your heart , soul, and mind.

In short; they’ve considered every aspect of your experience, while you have not considered the most basic of theirs. They wanted you to be part of the community celebration. Now, you’re late and it’s become all about you. The guests who cared enough to arrive on time are in place; cell phones off, greetings dispersed. Wondering why you aren’t there yet.

You, on the other hand, are speeding towards the fete, perhaps calling to say you’re late.

So why is that? Why can’t you manage your time so you arrive with time to park or valet your car , exchange niceties with the family, and be seated when the curtain rises?

We don’t care. None of the other 200 people do either. They only know that your hair, , your shoes, your dog, or some other controllable factor has botched a perfect day. And you were selfish enough to think that doesn’t matter.

It does.

“Here’s a story, of a man named Brady…”  oh wait….that’s not this story. This is the story of Nicole and Michael and their blended family of five completely adorable kids. It’s a wonderful story too.

There  might  be  nothing  as nerve wracking as  the anticipation of a first date; except maybe the anticipation of a root canal or a weekend marathon of Yo Gabba Gabba.

That  anxiety is even more intense  when both the daters are a little, um, rusty.  Okay, more than a little rusty.  Petrified.  Neither Nicole or Michael had even thought they would be on a first date ever again; they were far too busy changing diapers, helping with homework and fishing action figures out of the drain.

 But hope, curiousity and optimism got the best of them, and the rest, as “they” say (who is this they,and why do they say so much?) is history. They were married just about  a year ago, at a cool and intimate restaurant, Pasta Cucina, in New City, NY. 

  Their ceremony took place in a private room that could have in the heart of  Sunny Tuscany! All of the children were as important in the ceremony as they are to Nicole and Michael’s life together. After a poignant reading from, “The Velveteen Rabbit”, a classic children’s book, Michael and Nicole presented each child with a keepsake bracelet (silver ones for the girls, cool black rubber ones for the boys!).  They closed with a memorable quote from the movie, “When Harry met Sally”, one of their favorite films;

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” 

And then it was off to the reception , with endless Italian specialties and a chocolate wedding cake. It was a wonderful, wonderful celebration of their beautiful new family.  Happy anniversary, happy “rest of your life”, Nicole and Michael; you deserve all the happiness and excitement that I know you’ll find.

There are SO many places you could choose to be married! Of course, there are churches and temples; reception halls and fire houses, but if you have an intimate group of guests, you can get married almost anywhere!  Here are some ideas to get you started!

Sports Stadiums; I did numerous weddings at Yankee Stadium last summer (okay, okay, we snuck in…) What a perfect backdrop for a true sports fan, one that will provide your officiant  with great metaphors for your ceremony script!  Some of your more local stadiums may think this is just a wonderful publicity idea for them (and if you both wear team jerseys, think of the savings on wardrobe?)

Retirement Homes/Assisted Living Facilities; many of these have beautiful party rooms or outdoor gardens, and you couldn’t have a more delighted if spontaneous audience!

Museums and gallery spaces; if you have a small group on a weekday, this could be the perfect path for you. A small donation would be in order for a non profit, maybe a goodie gift of chocolate or great stylish cookies for the staff in a gallery. Check your local art schools and colleges too; they may have quirky fun studio or exhibition spaces.

Libraries; public and college libraries very often  have private rooms or collections, which may be the perfect backdrop for a literary couple.

College greenhouses; my alma mater has a wonderful little greenhouse that would be just perfect! (Note to self…make call…)

Local parks, gardens, zoos, skating rinks, ball fields; if you have a little group, a short ceremony and no amplified music, this shouldn’t be a problem, but you might call the parks department to ask about a permit. While being arrested at your own wedding might be a great photo op, it might not be the way you want to start your life together.

Wine Cellar; many restaurants have little private rooms or wine cellars and having a short ceremony in the dining room would be a bright spot for anyone’s dining out experience! 

A box seat at the opera!

Observations decks on giant buildings. Best to call about this one! Probably have to buy tickets, but what the heck! (And no, the Empire State Building will not let you do this except on Valentines’ day. If you’re thinking of a ceremony in say, 2015, you might have time to apply.

Ferries and water taxis; how fun is this one!  Have your officiant check on the legality of being married on the water, or do a quick vow on the dock.

Do you have a friend or family member with a wonderful garden? Beautiful library? Gorgeous living room?  I bet they would love to have you!  Again, a sweet little present would be a great gesture of thanks.

If you met somewhere interesting; that might be a thought; I’ve done weddings next to the bears at Bear Mountain, on a pier in Wildwood, in a swamp in northern NJ. If the spot is sentimental, that’s really all you need. Well, that and maybe a permit; it never hurts to check.

Am I always out-standing in the field?  Metaphorically, yes, but literally, only once in a while!  One of those occasions was Ron and Jessica’s recent wedding, at the beautiful, rustic-in-a-Martha-Stewart-kinda-way, slightly remote Westby Farm, in Andover, NJ.  The guests adventured up the winding tree lined road into the property and discovered a field of wedding dreams, under a perfect, French blue sky, punctuated with a pristine white tent that would become their reception area.

Every aspect of the ceremony and reception showcased the creative talent of the bride, from the quirky invitations  and  programs for the day,to the welcoming candy and lemonade station,  to the acoustic guitar pieces that accompanied her walk down the aisle (after her and her dad drove right up over the field to start their processional!) 

The ceremony took place in an apple orchard on the property; reminiscent of the setting for the  couple’s engagement, and as part of their “Love Story” we talked about “Sweetheart’s Day”, a regional holiday that fell on the exact day Ron asked Jessie to marry him.

After a whirlwind honeymoon to Thailand (I’m so jealous!!), they posted some photos of the day, and I’m happy to share them with you! 

Beautiful flowers are an important part of every celebration, but when you are  planning your wedding decor and accessories, they take center stage!  Of course, there are flowers for each dining table and the the bridal bouquet, but there are so many blooming opportunities!  You’ll probably want flowers for the bridesmaids and boutonnieres for the groomsmen; corsages for honored moms and grandmoms and aunts; arrangements for the ceremony space, (where your New Jersey wedding officiant will be….you know I can’t ever resist a cheap plug ), maybe foyers, restrooms and reception areas.

You may want to send arrangements as a “thank you” to your guest readers, your college friend who played classical guitar for the ceremony, or your fiance’s aunt Mary, who made her famous, fabulous chocolate mousse cake, four layers high, to end your reception with a sweet taste of family history. I don’t think there is a person alive who doesn’t love flowers! And wouldn’t be a great thing, you ask, those flowers could not only be gorgeous and uplifting, but useful?

Funny you should ask.  I have just the resource for you, thanks to Erik Kent, of NJ Wedding.com, an amazing wedding planning resource. (Erik’s site delivers consistently inspiring articles, useful tips, and links to  the professionals you need to create a great, personal wedding celebration.)

Vaseful Flowers and Gifts is not just a floral shop for those of you in central New Jersey. There is a delightful and unexpected bonus in collaborating with them.  As part of  Community Options, Inc., a national nonprofit organization, Vaseful   focuses  on supporting people with disabilities. While based in Central New Jersey, Vaseful operates as a full service flower shop and can deliver anywhere in the entire world.

The unique component about Vaseful is that it serves as training/employment opportunity for people with disabilities, many of whom have been working in the store since it opened over 10 years ago. These associates  learn valuable retail skills that are so vital not only to them, but to any potential employer that is seeking qualified, professional help.  

Vaseful Flowers and Gifts specializes in weddings and special events, along with “everyday” flowers for any occasion.  By choosing them to create any part of your wedding decor, you will be solving your floral dilemma and help their  employees at the same time, improving the lives of people with disabilities.

You can learn more about Vaseful or schedule a floral consultation, by calling their  toll free number (877) 827-3385, or visiting them on NJ wedding, or going directly to their website. 

Not only because, well, if you’re in love, you should write one once in a while; one that doesn’t inclued LOL or an emoticon of any type.  Hand-written love letters are keepsakes that everyone should have, tied in a ribbon an nestled among your most prized possession.  And writing a really sweet, soulful love letter might give you the confidence (and possibly the exact words) to write  your own vows, a beautiful gift to your fiance.

But in addition to all those romantic reasons, here is one that includes bling!  “A Diamond Is Forever”  is sponsoring a love letter contest, in conjunction with the new film Bright Star.  You can choose to submit a hand written love letter, or in a bow to technology, you can submit your most heartfelt, fervent Tweet!  The prize is a beautiful piece of diamond jewelry from the Everlon collection, with the runners up receiving Mont Blanc pens, gorgeous gifts in themselves.  All the rules are on the website, but even if you don’t enter, why don’t you write a few words to your loved one; leave them on the bathroom mirror (or even better, write them ON the bathroom mirror…), on the seat of their car, sticky-noted to the dog, hanging from their treadmill or secreted inside their laptop bag. You’ll make their day, and isn’t that what love is all about?

That would be the Canon in D…..Not that I have ANY problem with Pachelbel, and this piece is almost shorthand for “wedding coming up!”  If you love it, you should have it, and if the content of your ceremony is especially unusual, it might provide the balance between familiar and innovative. I  think, for many clients, especially those who may be doing ceremonies with innovative content, it’s shorthand for “wedding”. 

That being said……. I always encourage my couples to think outside the box; this is why I rarely start a ceremony with, ”Dearly beloved”. Why squander any  chance to express your personality?  From your ceremony, to your readings, to your vows, each element should be an intentional statement about you!  And your music? What a rich and dramatic place to really claim your ceremony!

I’ve had brides enter to ‘Edleweiss” (the “kids over the Alps” song in “The Sound of Music”, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”, Somewhere Over The Rainbow” (the Hawaaiian Version…), and various popular songs. I used the theme from “Out of Africa”, a movie about two explorers, two difficult personalities who fell in love. It was perfect for us. And I’m sure there is something perfect for you; finding it will be a delightful and joyful challenge!

 
(If you’re going to the canon route, this might be my favorite version, but this is me…

Now, maybe I have you thinking….????  What music do we love? What expresses us?  How do I choose??

Or rather, the Liberty House in Jersey City!  What a terrific venue for your wedding!  Located in Liberty State Park, with spectacular views of the New York City Skyline and Lady Liberty, they can graciously accommodate 75-300 of your closest friends.  They have two distinct outdoor areas for your ceremony, both right on the Hudson River, and their indoor areas are just luscious. (No suprise there, since LH is part of the restaurant group that includes The Stonehouse at Stirling Ridge. )  Slate floors, endless windows, upscale tableware and a staff that just rocks. The great thing too, is that you can go check them out incognito; grab a seat at their wild asymetrical bar or on the back deck; enjoy the view and imagine what it might be like to have your event there. It’ll be a pleasant dream; one that can absolutely come true.