Cartoonist Heidi Schwoerer’s website has the perfect name; 2 cute!  She’s   cartoonist since she was a kid, and now she’s turned her hand to the sweetest stamps ever! Many of them adorable animals (and some of them bear a close resemblance to her own little pets). 

 For all you DIY brides, they would be adorable for your Save the Dates, Thank-You notes, and favor tags.  Today, she was profiled on Dana Carlson’s Business Opportunities Weblog , the same fascinating site that did that fantastic interview with me a few weeks ago. (It’s fascinating EVERY day, just for the record….

Heidi is always creating new designs, and we’re hoping that there are some new wedding ideas in the works!  Best of luck to you!

Sponsored Weddings: Tacky or Savvy?

Dana Carlson runs one of the most interesting website/blogs on the internet. He spotlights new products, businesses, unique entrepreneurs, and it’s one of the few things that virtually crosses my desk and gets read end to end.  And yesterday, I was lucky enough to have him spotlight me. (And this beautiful photo of my couple Tracy and Mike is from Daniel Hedden, a photographer based in NJ.

WEDDINGS WITHOUT THE TRADITION

by Angela Shupe for Dana Carlson’s Business Opportunities Weblog Network, May 6th

  Who do you call when you want a wedding that is ‘outside the box’?
Celia Milton is the woman you’re looking for. She’s a wedding ceremony officiant and minister located in New Jersey. Simply put, she is the woman you call if you’re not religious, don’t belong to a church or simply would like to have someone preside over your civil union ceremony. Sometimes people just don’t want that white wedding inside a church. Even if they do, she can do that too!

Tell us a little about what you do.

I do “I Do!” s! Okay, I couldn’t resist….I write and perform wedding ceremonies and civil unions for couples who want their ceremony to be more than 20 minutes of yawn that comes before the champagne flows at their reception. I take their story and create a unique narrative that connects with their guests in inspiring and entertaining ways.

Many of my couples either don’t have or don’t feel the need for a spiritual home like a church or temple. Most describe themselves as “spiritual but not religious”, some as agnostic, some as atheist. Many of my couples are hoping to blend different cultures, religious backgrounds, and traditions; many of my gay couples have not felt welcomed by “mainline” religious institutions. All of them are looking to express their personality as individuals and a couple. I tell them that their ceremony should be as interesting and dynamic as they are; not an impersonal and abstract string of sentences with their names plugged in here and there. A wedding or civil union is more important than that; it’s a life changing move of epic proportions and should be treated with great care and sensitivity.

 How long have you been a wedding ceremony officiant and minister?

I officiated at my first ceremony in the spring of 2005, although I’d been speaking in several churches in a ministerial role for about 10 years before that. It was actually a sweet vow renewal for a couple who had been married by a judge. The bride’s father was ill, and his wish was to see his daughter married by a minister. It was one of the few times I’ve been picked as a more ‘religious’ option! And I got to wear my robe, which I NEVER get to do…..

What got you started on this path?

I’d always had an interest in ministry, which is how I found myself at Union Seminary, in NYC at (oh, this hurts…) the ripe young age of 47. I loved Union, and being a grad student in NYC was both exhilarating and scary; good training for anyone thinking of going into any facet of the wedding industry. As I got further down the path towards what I thought was my goal, being called as a parish minister, I realized that there were certain parts of ministry that I loved (working with people: the research, writing and performing) and certain parts I didn’t (why is the stained glass leaking…did anyone re-order candles for the sanctuary?).

I was literally sitting in front of the computer, ready to register for another semester at Fordham‘s school of theology, where I was studying Spiritual Direction. I stumbled upon the website for the Celebrant Foundation and Institute, which trains people in ritual creation and performance. I think there was one day left to register for either. I took the proverbial “Road Less Traveled”, and that has indeed, made all the difference. Thank you, Robert Frost.
What did you do before this?

I owned an upscale catering company for more years than I care to admit, and we had a great run. It was never boring and often downright exciting. After about 19 years, I started to doubt my ongoing enthusiasm for unloading trucks at three AM and scraping clam dip out of the radio knobs. When I realized I was catering weddings for the same kids we’d made Christening parties for, I knew I had to explore other options….
In what ways has your past experience helped you in this business?

I learned to have a healthy respect for details and deadlines. I realize that someone’s wedding is a milestone event that can’t be done over. It has to be perfect the first time. No, I take that back; it can’t be perfect, and if it was, it would be boring. It has to be what the couple hoped for and imagined, but beyond what they could ever hope or imagine.

Anyone who chooses to be part of the “wedding industry” (an unfortunate title for what is, overwhelmingly, a group of professionals who would do anything for their clients), needs to realize that the process of producing a wedding is one that is galvanized by giant investments of emotion, time and money. It is extremely stressful for the couple and their family, and the less drama we can create in the process of getting our ‘work’ done, the better.
What are some of the lessons your business has taught you?

Hmm….never give a 7 year old ring bearer the real rings? I’ll spare you the ugly story of a barefoot, beachfront wedding at Cape May, NJ. Suffice it to say it included a small child, a satin pillow and a metal detector. I think you can fill in the rest….

Seriously though, the biggest thing that I’ve learned is that there are only a few simple things that are truly important to creating a successful and enjoyable business.
The first is to remember that it should be both of those, successful and enjoyable, no matter what that business is about. If you’re not having fun, your potential clients will sense that and go elsewhere.

The second is that you need to be authentic to who you are; everything you do for your business, whether it’s business cards, your voice mail message, your website, your contract, even your checks; everything should be so consistent that they are instantly recognizable as reflections of your business personality, whatever your business personality is. If you’re an authority; be authoritative. If you’re an entertainer, be entertaining. If you just try to be like everyone else, you’re entering a crowded race with a lot of dogs who had a giant head start. If you’re entirely “you” in your approach to your product or service, you’ll have a smaller market, but your raving fans will be yours alone.

The third is that when your business ceases to be fun for you, it will wither and die. So strive to make every part of it either more fun or outsourced. I am the quintessential magpie; I steal from the best and this such a simple concept that it’s repeated over and over by numerous success gurus. If you hate doing something, no matter how much you try to improve your skills at doing it, you’ll be mediocre at best. Give it to someone else and concentrate on being the best you can be at what you love to do; you’ll be unstoppable. Someone out there loves sending invoices or doing laundry; pay them to do it and do what you love instead. 

What are some goals you still hope to accomplish?

I feel almost embarrassed to say that I’ve gotten pretty close to achieving what I hoped; maybe my goals were modest! My goals were never to have X amount of dollars or a closet full of Prada, or to retire at 50. My goal is, and always has been, to do work that I love, that is fun and meaningful to me and the people I serve. I have been very, very lucky to have achieved that, although the actual mechanics will change. I hope to move into training other professionals in the wedding industry. Right now, working in my Sponge Bob sweatpants and officiating at cool, lighthearted weddings every week (not at the same time, silly…) is about the perfect life for me. I’m grateful every day.

What helps you maintain a balance between your life and your business?

I’m not sure that I’ve actually accomplished that. I find it hard to distinguish between the two; I’ll be reading in the hammock and come across the most perfect phrase to include in a wedding vow. Is that work or life? I’ll be out shopping the flea markets and find the funniest, cutest, weirdest toy to use as a ring bearer pillow for a client. Is that work or life? Who knows. I try to take time away from “work” to blow glass, to cook (now that I can do that recreationally, it’s actually fun again…), to spend time with my dog and my partner. But I always come back to the sheer enjoyment, the yelping, hand clapping, “AHA!!” thrill of finding or writing the perfect words for one of my couples, because really, my work isn’t selling widgets; it’s making memories. It’s a humbling and joyful path.

This guest blog is from my colleague, Cathy Deschamps, an artisan photographer in Montana.  I have to admit that I spent WAY too much time (on a workday) poking around her fascinating blog, and of course, the photos are a hoot in themselves…her thoughts about her work are insightful and enlightening. And her dogs are adorable!

      I’ve spent almost half my life working with doctors. Most of them specialize in one field of medicine. Why? Because that is how you perfect your craft. They become so highly skilled in their field because they focus on that specific parameter. I subscribe to that philosophy with a camera. When I started my photography I dabbled in a little of everything. Then I realized I had to narrow down my field in order to become better at it. I chose portraits, pets and weddings.  Every wedding is different and often times I learn something from it. As photographers go, you can become stagnant and shoot the same poses over and over, or you can choose to learn new things and grow. Trends change, so should your craft. Being willing to learn new aspects of photography will give your clients the feeling that you really care about what you are doing. I tell my colleagues to always keep the original photo and supply it to the client when you are doing enhancements. That way when the trends change, they still have a timeless original file. When I interview a couple for a wedding, I try to understand what their vision for the day is. It’s their wedding, not mine. Being flexible is also a benefit to your clients. I like clients who want something beyond the cliche so I can be creative for them. When I shoot portraits my goal is to make a connection with the subject/subjects. If we can find something fun to talk about, they become more relaxed and it shows in the pictures. Some of the best shots involve laughter. At each wedding I look for little moments. It could be something as simple as a smiling relative, the proud father, a whisper between the couple or tears of joy streaming down someone’s cheek. I have a photo of my Aunt wiping away a tear at my own wedding. That photograph is even more special to me since she passed away last Christmas eve. I look at the scene, the background and compose the shot. I don’t just press the shutter and hope I get something good. There are photographers who don’t have faith in their ability or technical skills. They are the spray and pray group. Spray and pray is when a photographer shoots 1000-3000 photos at a wedding hoping to get 200-300 good photos.  I arrive before the wedding with a plan and back up equipment. The average number of photos after editing a wedding will be 200-400. To give you a better perspective 400 photos in 7 hours equals 57 photos per hour, nearly 1 per minute. I hope now it will make sense why 200-400 is the norm.

I still love to take photos of old barns and antiques, it just doesn’t pay very well. It’s mostly for my enjoyment and something different for my website viewers to look at.  Find your niche and elevate it as high as you can!

Are you wearing a White Knot? I am; many of my friends and colleagues are, and here’s why:

The White Knot is the symbol for support of Marriage Equality—the right for any loving couple regardless of gender to be married under the civil laws of the state and the country. Everyone should have the right to tie the knot.

Marriage Equality is a vital civil right denied to most same-sex couples except in that handful of states where it has finally been recognized. It is vital because marriage is about committed couples—all committed couples—who want to make a lifelong promise to take care of and be responsible for each other. This can only strengthen family and society. This is why Marriage Equality is important to everyone.

It’s not just about the word Marriage. Denying committed couples the security and legal protections of marriage hurts them. It’s just plain wrong to make it harder for them to take care of and be responsible for each other. The institution of civil marriage offers equal protection under the law when it comes to taxes, health care and decision-making, employment benefits, and perhaps most importantly, raising healthy and happy children.

So I ask you to join me today in showing your support for Marriage Equality and equal rights under the law for everyone. Wear a White Knot every day. Tell people why you are wearing it. And if you can, hand out White Knots to those around you.

For more information, go to http://www.whiteknot.org There you can find out how to get White Knots, make your own, get more information about the issues, and even donate to help spread the word.

Thank!

Planning and budgeting for your wedding is a LOT  like planning and paying for your starter home. The obvious similarities?  It  is a huge purchase.  It is an expression, perhaps, the first, of your couple style. AND you will be spending a lot of money in a situation where you may not feel that you’re informed enough to  feel totally comfortable.

So many factors can contribute to your decision, but perhaps the most important (or close) is your budget. Every couple has one, sparse or generous.  While it may not be the only thing on your mind, it certainly looms large. No one wants to walk away from such an important purchase with buyers’ remorse, fearing that they have made an expensive purchase that wasn’t the right choice. In the case of your wedding, those multiple expensive purchases contribute to a day that cannot be done over; it truly is a “once in a lifetime” experience.

Decisions based solely on price can cause regrettable (and avoidable) disasters on your wedding day.  Like the classic joke, “The food was terrible, and the portions were so small!”, five hours of an obnoxious DJ or an out of tune band will ruin your reception, no matter how many mirrored balls, inflatable guitars or ‘dance motivators’ they throw in for “free”.  Five thousand photos that are carelessly shot, amateurishly lit or cropped and delivered late are not going to capture your wedding day in a better way than 500 artistically created pictures that really tell your story. (And there is just no way to know what great shots were missed.)  A cake no one eats is well, a cake no one eats……and a ceremony everyone yawns through is a terrible way to start this precious moment in history; yours, your friends’ and your families’.

When you buy a house, a common phrase is, Location location location!  Buy the most  house you can afford in the best neighborhood, not the most expensive house in a less than desireable neighborhood.  How does this translate to your wedding? Easily. Instead of finding the cheapest professional in any category, strive to put together a team of the people that you truly want to create your wedding, and then work with them to see just how that can happen.

Every wedding professional who truly is that, a professional, wants to work with the couples that want to work with us. We want you to understand why we charge what we do, how we are uniquely qualified to be a part of your wedding, and how we might work together to stay within your budget. Your photographer might suggest a shorter period of coverage (maybe just before  the ceremony and then  part of the reception, rather than spanning the entire day, from makeup to the last crumb of cake). Your invitation artist might deliver your wedding stationary in components, ready for your bridal party to assemble. Your officiant, (that would be me!!), might offer to do a quick run through of your processional before the wedding rather than on a separate day.  (I also offer a printable, decorative copy of the ceremony readings that some of my couples have used instead of favors.)  All of these are invisible ways to include the vendors who will truly enhance your days.

None of us want our couples leaving their reception thinking that their day was vastly more expensive than they hoped; that is not the memory we are striving to create. Great, experienced, enthusiastic wedding partners are worth every penny that you’ll spend on them, and they’ll help you spend it wisely. That is our wedding gift to you.

My colleague, Kerry, who runs a great website for Budget Brides in Maryland also has  nifty blog with all kinds of great ideas. She was nice enough to ask me to write a guest blog for her, and I wrote about all the cool, cheap places that you might consider for your ceremony.  (Som of them would be just great for the reception too!)

Her website and blog are full of great tips and sage advice that she garnered by experience; she planned her own wedding!

This guest blog is from my colleague Lyssabeth, whose group of amazing and caring officiants create ceremonies on the west coast.So, you have the ring, set the date and have found the picture-perfect venue for your wedding ceremony and reception. Phew! But faster than you can say, “I do” there are, it seems, a million and one other wedding vendors to line up for the big day. Photographer, Officiant, Cake-Baker, Videographer, Florist, Caterer, DJ, Invitation-Engraver. Wow! Throw in a chocolate fountain-provider and it’s enough to make your head spin!

Assuming you haven’t done the getting-married thing before (or even if you have, we figure that you don’t do it with any great frequency), where does a couple turn for information and referrals for all of the above? It’s natural to seek the assistance of the staff at your wedding venue, of course. After all, with all the wedding vendors with whom they work in the course of a year, who better to refer you to quality wedding professionals?

Voila! The Preferred Vendor List appears. Also known as the PVL, it is handed to the overwhelmed couple with a flourish. All of their wedding vendor problems are obliterated! Simply pick one from the list, right? After all, a venue wouldn’t recommend a vendor unless they could personally attest to their standards, would they? Would they? I mean, if someone is a “preferred” vendor, they must be pretty darn good, right?

Well, the answer is yes…and no. Most couples would be under the assumption that if a venue coordinator hands over a Preferred Vendor List (or posts one on its website), it means it is a compilation of vendors with whom the venue has had firsthand experience and they can therefore attest to the quality of their work. And this is the case with many venues.

However, the unfortunate truth is that sometimes, PVL should stand for Paid Vendor List. Yes, indeedy–there are some venues who request a fee (and a hefty one at that) in order to place wedding vendors on their list. And that would be okay–if said venue staff were forthcoming that their list is a paid list. That’s called advertising. Nothing wrong with that. It ranks up there with the likes of T.V. infomercials, glossy magazine spreads, radio spots and sites like theknot.com. All perfectly above-board and perhaps even a handy resource to the engaged couple.

Advertising, however, is light years away from the nature of a true Preferred Vendor List (emphasis on preferred). Let’s get real, if a wedding vendor offers a venue $400 or more for a listing on a PVL, then the venue is hardly going to refuse. It’s advertising–pay your fee and that’s that. In spite of any protestations to the contrary, (”Oh yes, we do charge a fee for the privilege, but believe you me, we thoroughly check out any vendor on our list and if they don’t make the cut, they’re outta here.” Yeah, right!) these venues do not turn down cold hard cash from a willing vendor.

Personally, I think that trying to pass off a Paid Vendor List as a Preferred Vendor List is an abomination. It’s one of the things that gives the wedding industry a bad name. A Preferred Vendor List implies a recommendation. A Preferred Vendor List infers that the one who created it endorses the vendors on the list. Period. The creator of the list has worked with these vendors. They stake their own reputation on their performance. In other words, it’s a trust-building exchange that says to the couple, “I’m in the business and I wouldn’t steer you wrong; this is someone I’d retain if I was in need of their services.”

Do you hear my voice getting high and squeaky? Sorry about that, but as you can see, paid vendor lists are a pet peeve of mine. In short, the Preferred Vendor List should not be akin to the Yellow Pages!

The solution is simple, assuming the venue staff dispersing the list have any modicum of ethics. Ask how vendors are added to the list. If you’re told it’s a paid list, you can certainly start with it as a resource, but don’t assume that placement on the list is tantamount to a testimonial. Also, don’t assume that the absence of a vendor on a paid list makes them unworthy of your consideration. Many vendors (like Lyssabeth’s) refuse to be placed on paid lists as a matter of principle and ethics. (Ergo, you might want to use a paid vendor list as a source of vendors with whom you wouldn’t want to do business.)

And another thought to ponder. Since there are so many quality venues who do have genuine Preferred Vendor Lists (i.e. unpaid), why would a wedding vendor pay to be on such a list? Hmmm…maybe because getting on a true preferred list is difficult.

Why would that be, do you think?

Traveling across the country (or sometimes, the planet!) to attend your wedding is perhaps one of the most precious gifts that your guests can give you! And making their hotel or resort stay a pleasant and personalized one is a way for you to return that gift!

Elizabeth, the creator of “Wedding Welcome Kits” has made it easy to cross that little task off of your “to do” list! Her company puts together  adorable, personalized surprises that anyone would be delighted to find when they arrive at their destination!

Each carefully coordinated package includes personalized bottles of water, a welcome note, and a cute little box that you can fill with your choice of cookies, jelly beans, WHATEVER! They come in a bunch of pretty colors with ribbon to mix and match to match your theme.  I might slip a lottery ticket in there too! 

What a great, helpful site!  You’ve been to all the BIG sites, but this one is great; personal, fun.  You can find great ideas here, great vendors (like me! ) and everything you need to make your day unique and stress free!

www.littleweddingguide.com